A law has been passed in Tahiti that makes it mandatory for people to start exercising once they reach a certain weight. The law was brought into the parliament by a conservative party politician whose father had become so fat that he had to be carried around the house. Being an obedient son he could not complain to his father but expects that the long hand of the law will finally force his father to exercise and “I will never have to miss another episode of Spongebob Squarepants again”. His tone indicated that obesity in the family has led to tension and weakening of the family bonds.
Tahitian human rights groups have opposed this move as a direct attack on the right of Tahitian citizens to choose their weight. Citizens Freedom Force (CFF) has brought forward one document dating back to the 8th century in which it is explicitly stated that the citizens of Tahiti have the right to choose their weight. The Department of History at the National University of Tahiti (DH-NUT) is of the opinion that the document is a farce and that the CFF has been bringing up farcical historical documents in the past as well. When the CFF was contacted for comment on this their president responded with “The dean of the DH-NUT has a crooked nose, how can you guys even believe someone life that?”.
The United States has taken special note of this development because of rampant obesity in the US. One Neo-Con politician, who prefers to remain nameless, dubbed this “The second red dawn commie invasion aimed at destroying this great nation of ours”.
When asked, the Pakistani ministry of Health remarked that since Tahiti is a fictional fairyland the question is obviously a joke and the media is starting to get out of hand and should be gagged.