Shrinks Love The Bad Parents

The psychiatrists convention of the Bain Ul Pakistan Shrinks Anjuman held recently in the western mountain city of Quetta voted that Bad Parents are the most important reason for their continued income. Talking to a packed house of very serene and calm individuals Ms Farkhanda said that “If it were not for emotionally destructive parents my son would not be studying at overpriced universities in the West”. Later the convention was divided into three sections physical abuse, verbal abuse and mental abuse. Most of the participants agreed that physical abuse was the least long lasting. Some participants disagreed with this contention and one male member even cried into a beautifully quilted pink handkerchief while describing how his mother used a ‘Chimta’ adroitly.

Most participants think that verbal abuse has a long lasting effect. It has the strongest effect on children’s relationship making skills. A recently divorced, yet very attractive shrink even said that “Most relationships end, not because of evil partners, but because of evil parents”. A poll conducted by PaKi TeEnS RoCk has actually corroborated this statement when 68% of all teenagers polled declared that “parents are definitely not cool”. A whooping 27% of teenagers said they had no opinion on the issue but said that MTV is kewl. Can one even doubt the opinions of so many teenagers of our age? No. They must be heard.

The third convention hall seems to have been home to the most action. Scenes of violent hysterics, bitter crying and anguished moans were experienced when a general discussion on the possible mal effects of mental abuse on children turned into a sharing of real life experiences. Sniffing loudly into a hankie Ms Raza said “And then my mom said, why can’t you be more like Razia?”, the hall broke into pandemonium as listeners were transported back to their childhood nightmares. According to unconfirmed news reports the supply of tissue papers in Quetta ran short because of the usage of this commodity in the third convention hall this day.

Reports on this convention caused violent protests in Multan, Sukkur, Gwader and Abbotabad where loving parents took to the streets and chanted slogans against the cheap tactics used by Psychiatrists to increase their incomes. One mother said amidst violent sobs “I just love my kids so much.”

I think I am going to cry.

Altamash Hai Khan, Karachi Times
Vol IV

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